Duck Duck Cougar?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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