last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
