Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
