Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
