I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Acid is not a monday night drug
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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