soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
