I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
