Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
