brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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