The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I can't turn off my feet"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
