Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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