so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
