it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The uberlube is also flammable
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
