He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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