I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
