i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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