I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
