I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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