oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
