Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
