I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
