its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
