First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So apparently I’m into choking now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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