WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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