it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
