apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
