isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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