sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
