Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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