my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
