girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
