Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize