just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
