Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
