afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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