totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize