no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize