last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
