She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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