I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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