Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
