so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Mom said you looked used
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
