no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
