I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
