You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
