I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
