so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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