Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
