u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
