If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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