ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I cockslap morals
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
