Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
