You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
