He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
