I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
