Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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