I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
