He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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