he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
